I know I have a lot of parts floating out there, but I couldn’t resist this little mini-series of posts on what to do when things go wrong in the world of wine. The first part, At Home, looks at spills, chills and crumbles.

Don’t Cry Over . . .

The Scenario: You’ve just dribbled Syrah on your friend’s heirloom tablecloth and tried to dab it up inconspicuously, only to have it smear into a Rorschach image.

First of all, admit the blunder. Rubbing it in (or moving the bread plate over the offending area), will only make it worse in the long run. Here’s the plan:

1. Apologize for the dribble and ask your friend if they have any Wine Away or club soda.
2. Gently dab the area as dry as you can with a clean, white cloth (no red napkins . . . repeat, no red napkins).
3. Pass the pouring task on to another guest (I do this all the time) and enjoy your dinner.
4. After dinner, saturate the area with Wine Away or club soda and let it soak in for three minutes.
5. Gently dab the spot with another clean white cloth until somewhat dry.
6. Offer to take the tablecloth to the dry cleaners.

(note: you could also pour enough salt on the stain to absorb the liquid, immerse the tablecloth in cold water for thirty minutes and launder)

Honey, I Froze the Wine

Scenario: You’re thinking ahead. It’s a hot cusp-of-the-summer day and you’ve got a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc tucked in the freezer to chill. But you polish off two other bottles brought by guests before remembering the bottle in the freezer two hours later.

First of all, know that it is always best to cool a wine gradually in the refrigerator or ice bucket (and, if stored at the proper temperature, it shouldn’t take much time to cool). When wine is subjected to drastic swings in temperature, its quality deteriorates. And, when a bottle freezes, it could explode in your freezer (you may recall from high school chemistry that ice is crystallized water).

If the bottle has in fact frozen solid, the best remedy is to let it defrost gradually (no microwave!), and if you’re inclined to forget that it’s on the counter, just set it in the fridge for another time. The bottom line? Your wine should be fine to drink, but taste it first to make sure it’s still worthy of company.

That’s the Way the Cork Has Crumbled

The Scenario: Dinner is served and you reach for the wine bottle. But as you twist the opener, the cork crumbles into bits. 

Don’t panic. Your wine is not ruined. It’s likely that the cork has dried out either through age (crumbly corks are fairly common on older bottles) or lack of contact with the wine (i.e., it was stored standing up). Take a deep breath and follow these steps:

1. Don’t force it. If the cork begins to crumble, gently twist the corkscrew out.
2. Try another type of wine opener—preferably an Ah-So. Ah-So wine openers have two flat, slender prongs that act as a vice on either side of the cork as you gently pull and twist it out of the neck. Their design works especially well on older or fragile corks.
3. Strain the wine. If all else fails and the cork completely crumbles, simply strain the wine into a decanter through a coffee filter or fine meshed strainer. (I find it best to do this in the pantry or library or backyard . . . someplace away from the guests)
4. Test the wine to make sure it has not deteriorated in the bottle. One consequence of a dry, brittle cork is the possibility that oxygen has entered the bottle, which can cause the wine to spoil.

Stay tuned on Friday for Ooopsies Away from Home (repeat after me, “the sommelier is my friend, the sommelier is my friend.”). Cheers!